Tuesday Morning Conversation a/k/a Ouch

er: Baby hand me those 2 Pepsi’s out of the fridge….

Me: What 2 Pepsi’s?

Jer: The one’s in the plastic thingy

Me: ‘k

You know that plastic thing they put around plastic soda bottles to hold them together? I had to cut that thing off. I could have just pulled the sodas out, but I cut the plastic thing apart anyway cause I heard something about how seagulls get them caught around their feet in landfills or choke on em or something like that, so I proceeded to grab the scissors from the nearby drawer and cut the first Pepsi bottle from the plastic thingy. The conversation continued:

Me: Jeremy! Baby! Uh! Fuck! NO I mean FUCK!!!

Jer: wha–?

Me: Come here. NOW. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! Shit.

Jer: Baby what? I gotta get ready–

Me: Dammit!!! I cut my fucking thumb!!!! FUCK I CUT MY FUCKING THUMB!!!!

Jer: HOW DID YOU DO THAT? HOW BAD IS IT? LEMME SEE LEMME SEE!!!

Me: No! I don’t wanna move it!!! It hurts!!! I’m bleeding! FUCK I CUT MY FUCKING THUMB!!! I don’t wanna move it!!! I don’t wanna move it!!!

Jer:Come to the bathroom! Come on!! Come on!! I gotta see it!! Lets go!! Lemme see!!!

Me: FUCK I CUT MY FUCKING THUMB!!!!! I don’t know how deep it is! FUCK I CUT MY FUCKING THUMB!!!!!

Jer: Baby you’re freakin’. Stop freakin’.

Me: FUCK I CUT MY FUCKING THUMB!!!!! FUCK I CUT MY FUCKING THUMB!!!!!

Jer: Baby calm down. You’re still freaking.

Me: NO I’M NOT FUCKING FREAKING!!! I CUT MY FUCKING THUMB!!!

Jer: ‘k, let’s get some tissue and look at it.

Me: GET THE PEROXIDE!!! GET THE AMBESOL!!! GET THE ALCOHOL!!! GET SOME BANDAIDS!!! FUCK!!!

Jer: Baby we don’t have Ambesol.

(I forgot Ambesol was for teeth.)

Me:GET THE NEOSPORIN!!!!!! GET THE NEOSPORIN!!!! WHERE’S THE NEOSPORIN?!?!

Jer: It’s right here. Okay, let’s see how bad it is. Run some water over it and we’ll take a look.

Me: ok, ok, ok,

:::water running over thumb, blood pouring down sink::::

Jer backs away.

Me: Oh WOW!!! Look how deep that is!!! Woah! I think I hit bone!!!! Check that shit out!!! You can see deep inside there!!!! Look it baby!!!!!

Jer: uh, babe….

Me: That’s deep LOOK!!!! COOL!!!!

Jer: uh….that’s not cool….STOP HOLDING IT OPEN!!!! UGH!!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!

The moral of this story:
Don’t cut the lil plastic Pepsi thingies off of the bottles. Just pull the bottle out and then cut the plastic thingy apart later when there are no sodas in it.

So….do you think it needs stitches?

Posted by melissa at 08:56 AM | Say What? (16) | TrackBack

May 24, 2004

You Come Up With A Snazzy Freakin’ Title

While sitting alone today on a break the haunting melody from Sleeping Beauty wove its way into my thoughts ….only it was my coworkers that came to mind ….and the lyrics were slighty altered…..

I know you, I bitch slapped you

Once Upon a Dream

I know you, the gleam in your eyes

Tells me you’re too fucking lazy to do your job

But I know it’s true

That visions are seldom all they seem

But if I know you

I know what you’ll do the least you can do

You’ll pass off your work to me at once

The way you did once

Upon a Dream

But I know it’s true

That visions are seldom all they seem

But if I know you

I know what you’ll do

You’ll call in sick all at once

The way you did once

Upon a Dream

I know you, I slammed your head into a wall

Once Upon a Dream

I know you, the gleam in your eyes

Tells me you’re trying to leave early again

But I know it’s true

That visions are seldom all they seem

But if I know you

I know what you’ll do

The very least that’s expected of you

The way you did once

Upon A Dream